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Duckboat Stories
I was gathering DBHF stories on my hard drive until it crashed. Now I am starting over with all the funny events from the "Dumbest Guy in Town" thread so keep 'em comin'. I always considered it a successful duck hunt if I get back home without anything lost, broken or injured.

Speaking of stories, I posted this story on an airgun forum in a thread someone started about shooting blue jays. I include it here for, hopefully, your enjoyment:


Post 1:

I've been having a problem with dem X-birds eatin' my maters which grows in pots on my cement deck. It seems dat just when I sees fruit which in a day will be ripe for apickin', dem X-birds come a-peckin'. Now 'cause I needs 'em maters to feed my babies, I figured I needed to do sum'n. So, I gots me one of dem Benjmi'n Sherd'ns off da internet (model 392 $106.00) and equiped it with scope. Then fer two whole days I didn't see nary an X-bird. I figured theys on to me. But dis morn' at six, when I'm 'bout to leave da house, I sees one o' dem X-birds apeckin' on my maters. Well, after two whole days of havin' a brand-spankin'-new, just-sighted-in pellit rifle in the kichin' doin' nut'n, I wuz quite excited. But dat X-bird aint no dumb chick'n. He cocks his little X-bird head back from his sweet mater meal and gives me the eyeball. Now I wuz astandin' well back in da kichen, but I knowd that X-bird sees me. So’s I froze solid, but dat bird flew anyways. So I goes then to da winder and cracks it open a ways. Outside I sees da X-birds doin' their X-bird things. Dey wuz aflittin' across the lawn. Dey wuz alurkin' in the trees. But none o dem X-birds wuz a gonna offer me a shot. Den I sees one high up in a tree. Though my eyes aint dat great, and the mornin' light was low, I made out da unmistakable silouhette of an X-bird. Dat X-bird was amungst da leaves, but his breast was a bobbin' out with each breeze. I put my crosshairs on him, and when his breast bobbed out, I gived dat trigga a squeeze. Well, dat X-bird dropped like a stone. It didn't even fall in da yard soz I aint got to go pick 'im up. Den I goes on off to work.

Post 2:

It seems I wuz amissin' sum o' dat X-bird action whiles I wuz at work yestidy. De olt lady sez dem X-birds wuz at dem maters agin soz she gets out da Benj'min- Sher'din to learn dem X-birds a lessin. She sez dat she blasted one o' dem X-birds knockin' it plumb out o' da tree. But den dat dang ol' X-bird up an flies off. Same ting when she blasts anudder X-bird. Now my olt lady iz a crack shot, an I knoze dem pellits were proply plased, soze I sez, "whut gives?" Turns out da olt lady wuz only pumpin' da ting once. I could'nt cuss her cuz she aint knode no better, soze I learned her 'bout da propa waze to pump da gun. Problem now is her pappy wuz over and showed her how puttin' a white plastic sack on da mater cage would keep dem X-birds away. Works real good, but now I aint got no X-birds to shoot at dis morn'n. :o(

Post 3:

I wuz off work yestiday an’ Da X-birds jus wuddent a flyin'. I figured its jus gonna be anudder slow day for X-bird action. I did goes an taked dat white plastic sack off o' da mater cage. Later in da evenin' when I wuz afeedin' my babies, I sees a X-bird out on the bobwire. So, a shushin' my babies, I pump up da pellit rifle. Well lets jus say dat dem Benj'min Sher'dins is bad medcin' on dem ol' X-birds. I got three o' dem by night fall.

Post 4:

I sho lubed dat movie (To Kill a Mockingbird), but dat clooshay 'bout killin dem X-birds...I mean dem mockin' birds iz jus dat. Makes a good book title tho. And I tink that it really means don't go a blamin' a black man for your own short comin's. Now I aint gonna go a blastin' no mockin' birds jus cuz I caint find no starlin's, but if it comes down to my babies havin' fresh maters or no, I'm a gonna blast 'em jus like dem ol' X-birds.